Friday 15th February 2001

SPRINGHILL DADS v MOJOS
by scoop  

Good old Robbie Thorpe turned up with the Dads kit for the game, despite looking like death with flumonia - ha! wimp. He didn't know that the Dads were giving their new strip a christening! He wouldn't play, then and Les has got a hang nail and didn't want to, either. Gulp . . . . Mal's gonna have to go in goal.     The Mojo's were a bit short for the kick off so Andy volunteered to help them out as Mal couldn't play for them and be in goal.

The Dads new strip as modelled by Pub-in-the-Park barmaid of the year

SPRINGHILL DADS
Mal Barton
Brian Medway - Martin Kingsbury - Tony Pascoe
John Frisby - Jason Furness - Jim Allen
Andy Simpson - Dave Smith - Jom Elms

    Martin takes great pleasure in testing the keeper 'early doors' and Mad Mal didn't disappoint by shaping up to kick the ball over the stand but fluked it instea dand the ball gently rolled over the goal line with Mal's leg wrapped around his neck. Mal insists, as much as he'd like to, he can't claim the own goal - says he didn't touch it. It's gotta go down to Martin!
    Some good possession by the Dads was interupted on the edge of the Mojo's box. The ball was played up to Johnny Jordan making a mad sprint up the right wing by Pikey. Jon crossed low and hard into the box - just like wot Stuart Ripley is suposed to do - and there standing in front of Mal was Rob Frisby for the ball to ricochet off his backside and into the net.
    As if that wasn't bad enough, shortly after Johnny Jordan received the ball on the edge of the Dads penalty area, with the Dads stranded on the half way line, but it wasn't off-side! Jon cut in and placed his shot passed the Dads keeper.
    Jon Elms was getting the teansiest bit frustrated now and was giving poor old Mal a right ear bashing for being such a crap goalie. The play then swung back up into the Mojo's half and Jon was put through with a beautifully weighted ball by Jim Allen after some great build up play by Martin, Jason and Dave in mid-field - Dave and Andy drawing defenders out to give Jon a great chance. With time, unmarked and in perfect shooting distance, on his favourite left foot Jon slammed the ball into the hockey goal. 'That was a shame, Jon, never mind!', Mal. Even Fido was unimpressed!
    Then Andy broke with the ball and was running through one on one with Mal in goal - the white of the eyes were definately showing. But somehow Mal managed to clear the ball away, were those bruised ribs from 5 a side still playing Andy up?

HALF TIME
DADS 0 - 3 MOJOS

    Andy rejoined the Dads at the break and they girded their loins and regrouped for the second half, they weren't going to take this lying down. Jim Allen should have girded his loins a bit better cos he took a point blank shot to a very delicate part of the anatomy early on which wiped him out for a while and then he had to play with and awkward gait and squeeky voice for the rest of the game (don't know what he wanted to carry that wrought iron around for?). The Dads were very understanding - you can imagine , huh! That was a ten million to one chance that happening! Come one get up you wimp! All the usual encouragement and sympathy.
    Some nice play by the Dads resulted in ANDY SIMPSON breaking through, beating the off-side trap to chip the Mojo keeper. This was more like it the Dads were going for the Mojo's throat . . . then Johnny Jordan 'beat the off-side again' to drive his shot into the net.Mad Mal insisted it was the side netting cos it was rolling along the ground behind the goal. He wasn't going to admit the hole in the netting but the Mojo's insisted the goal stood! Where is a good solicitor when you need one?
    Then the Dads somehow started to play a bit of football, now and DAVE SMITH, at long last, managed to find the back of the net after peppering most of the Astro Turf scenery with shots.
     More pressure play from the Dads and Andy crossed into the box for DAVE HEDGES place the ball wide of the keeper into the back of the net
    TONY PASCOE made a great run into the Mojo's half and received the ball just outside of the corner of the penalty area. He looked up and fired a rocket over the keeper into the top corner of the goal. The keeper could only stand back with the rest of his team mates to watch in wonder, 'that's the way to do it' (read that last bit with a Punch and Judy voice).
    It was all-out Dads now, looking for the winner - I'm sure I saw John Aldridge watching from the stand! The Dads were going for the winner, now and with seconds to go - Johnny broke through again but Mal managed to finger tip his effort over the bar this time to spare his and the Dads blushes.

FINAL SCORE
DADS 4 - 4(ish) MOJOS

    MOM

            Fido
    Great movement

      REVENGE OF THE FOOTBALL WIDOW

FOUL FIVE: You have a blinding headache but Mr Sympathy still invites over five of his mates to watch the Saints FA Cup match in your freshly vacuumed living room. You've only got one sofa and they're all on it - drinking, belching and yelling. This is well and truely OFFSIDE.
THE PUNISHMENT: He has to spend a match-long 90 minutes in your favourite designer shop scurrying back and forth to the dressing room delivering a range of clothes for you to try on.

  BLACK DOG
 the inside story

    Ed, I bring you disturbing news, - it would appear that after their recent pasting at the sporty, our venerable friends from P&O engaged the services of a private detective to investigate wrong doing by Springhill Dads in matters relating to previous transfer market activities.
     They have suggested that we employed the services of a ' ringer ' in a recent match. Furthermore, the situation has been clouded by the suggestion that we also used an under age player. I have taken the liberty of carrying out my own enquiries and it is with a heavy heart that I have to reveal that you, the Dads manager, Maldwyn Barton,is guilty of the most serious offence.
     I can and will reveal to the tabloids the fact that you have misled us all despite your reassurances that the player in question was a 'new blood'. The name,--------------- Mathew McLouglan. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The esteemed headmistress at Springhill School has confirmed that McLoughlans father Patrick was in fact the real Springhill Dad ( and a known conspirator with a certain Slack Bladder ) and his son Mathew was indeed a Springhill Kid, therefore too young to qualify for active service. A word ( or several ) of advice old chum, get a good brief.

   Watch this space

    Black Dog